I Can Beat Greg Rucka at Conspiracy Theories any One More Day of the Goddam Week

Remember the Mary-Jane "laundry" statue? OF COURSE you do, come on.

Okay. Remember how the people against it were picking at it for every little thing to try and get this mountain of reasons why it was bad and shameful and all that? Yeah? And then how Adam Hughes was trying to explain the concept, and then people started picking at that to try and prove it was all a smokescreen for the hand-rubbing, cackling chauvinist pigs in the smoke-filled back rooms?

Right, right. So Hughes says it's a scene of Mary-Jane discovering Peter Parker's Spider-Man costume, at a time before they were married. But no, no, no, said the critics: A thong? Nobody wore that stuff back then! She's wearing modern clothes, so of course it can't be before they were married, she'd have to be wearing clothes like they wore in 1987 or before! (Which would make the two of them how old today, if we measured their marriage in terms of publishing dates...?)

Yeah. So figure in how much lead time there has to be in getting comics made, how long ago the controversy was... I can see what happened. Joe Quesada says "All right, I'll show you," and he comes up with "One More Day".

Bwango!

Now Mary-Jane and Peter are not married, and it's modern times! And NOW SHE CAN BE DATING HIM AND FIND HIS COSTUME IN THE LAUNDRY WEARING MODERN CLOTHES AND IT WILL ALL MAKE SENSE!

"One More Day" and all the rest of it is just statue justification! I said it first! You wait, you'll see! It'll all make sense when they release the comic with the laundromat scene!


ADDITIONAL HOURS-LATER REALIZATION:

Oh, man, I've figured it out! Mary-Jane finding the costume will be the trigger that makes her remember the marriage! She'll be fiddling with her pearl necklace, pulling the costume out, and then she'll remember everything. The hated pose, the hated situation, everything people hate about that statue, THAT will be what saves the marriage, defeats Mephisto, delivers chocolate to all the heroic decent people, alleluia, amen.

I bet even the thong will play an important role. Like Spider-Man gets his wall-crawling powers taken away briefly by some bad guy. Oh no, he gonna fall! But wait: "Spidey! GRAB MY THONG! I LOVE YOU!"

This stuff writes itself.